Womens Summer High Heels Stilettos Open Buckle Sandals Hot A457 Toe Rhinestone nsrzqg7313-Women's Heels

WYTHE NY Suede Tan Platform Pumps Size US 8, EU 38 Women’s Retail 250
More From The Onion
Womens Summer High Heels Stilettos Open Buckle Sandals Hot A457 Toe Rhinestone nsrzqg7313-Women's Heels
Womens Summer High Heels Stilettos Open Toe Rhinestone Buckle Sandals Hot A457

Item specifics

Condition:
New with box: A brand-new, unused, unworn and undamaged item in its original packaging (such as the original box ... Read moreabout the condition
Brand: Unbranded
Heel Height: High (3 in. to 4.5 in.) Style: Sandals
Material: Satin Width: Medium (B, M)
Fastening: Buckle Occasion: Casual
ZARA Black & Mesh High Heeled Cage Strappy Sandals shoes 36 3 BNWT

NAIROBI, KENYA—Warning that a complete overhaul of their skill set was necessary to survive in the 21st century, environmentalists announced a new conservation program Friday to help struggling rhinos adapt to the modern ecosystem by retraining them as urban scavengers. “Many of these animals simply aren’t equipped to…

ZARA Black Multicoloured Glitter Sparkle Over the Knee Stretch Boots 37 4 BNWT
XBERTIE BEIGE AND WHITE HIGH TOP BOOTS UK 5 EUR 38 BRAND NEW LEATHER MIX
ZARA CHUNKY TRAINERS - BEIGE - MENS UK 7 EU 41

SAN FRANCISCO—In a shocking discovery certain to complicate the legacy of a national icon, the estate of Walt Disney announced Friday it had discovered a cache of anti-American cartoons the pioneering animator intended to release if the Axis Powers had triumphed in World War II.

ZARA FLAT ANKLE STRAPPY SANDALS WITH FABRIC CHAIN DETAIL UK 5 t
Zara Leather bluee Slingback Short Pointed Heels Made In Spain Size EU 37 US 6.5
Zara Men Red padded plimsolls 2243 002 600

NAPA, CA—After being lovingly tended by generations of bin Ladens, the once-gorgeous Northern California vineyard upon which the late al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden’s family winery sits is now crumbling and covered with weeds, sources confirmed Friday. “Bin Laden Manor produced some of the finest wines Napa Valley…

ZARA NUDE PINK SUEDE EFFECT MID HEEL SHOES WITH BOW DETAIL SIZE UK 8 EU 41

March 31, 1999 saw the release of The Matrix, the sci-fi action film directed by the Wachowskis that went on to massive financial and critical success, spawning sequels and a host of other related media. The Onion looks back at big moments in the franchise on its 20-year anniversary.

XOXO Barnie Heeled Lace Up Sandals 067, Tan, 6 UK

PINEVILLE, LA—Citing concerns over historically high seasonal traffic and the resulting potential flight delays, a Canada goose was thinking of migrating home two to three weeks early in order to avoid the crowds, avian sources confirmed Friday. “My friends think I’m a bit neurotic, but I just want a quiet,…

ZARA WHITE & BLACK SATIN POLKA DOT BOW SLINGBACK SHOES SIZE UK 3 EU 36 US 6

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Warning that nothing was more dangerous than focusing on yesterday’s mistakes instead of being present right here and right now, self-actualized historians at Harvard University urged Americans not to get all hung up on the past. “Now more than ever, we must remember: A society that dwells on what it did…

SOUTH BEND, IN—Stumbling through the restaurant and gaming establishment in a dazed and incoherent stupor, local man Rob Woodham, 31, reportedly slipped into a ghastly, blinding fog of insanity Thursday just before he was asked if this was his first time at a Dave & Buster’s location. “Can I get you a menu?” said a…

HEAVEN—Speaking with obvious nostalgia regarding the “raw and gritty” quality of his experiences in decades past, God the Almighty Creator confirmed Thursday that Heaven was “way cooler” in the 1970s. “Sure, there was a lot of more crime and corruption, but man, Heaven in those days felt way more authentic,” said the…

I know at times I can come off a bit caustic and abrasive. For years, I had no idea where these destructive feelings and behaviors came from, but as I get older, I’m starting to realize it all stems from my youth. You see, when I was growing up, still an innocent and impressible bottle of laundry detergent, my dad…

CARY, NC—Competing to secure the new pet’s allegiance, members of the Thomas family were reportedly locked in a heated bidding war Thursday as each tried to convince their cat, Cookie, to sleep in their bed. “So far, I’ve provided the most perks—sneaking him extra scoops of food, offering him handfuls of catnip, and…

Zero Grand Cole Haan Womens Low Top Lace Up Sneakers Red Size 7.5
Zigi Soho Valiant Womens Flat Sandals Nudsa 8 US 6 UK T3o0

CHESTERBROOK, PA—Regaling a group of prospective soldiers with tales from his youth, military recruiter Luke Coleman fondly recalled Wednesday when he was just a naïve kid being coaxed into making a binding eight-year commitment to the Army in order to fulfill a recruitment quota. “Man, I remember back when I was your…

Yellow Box Black White Fur Leather Platform Wedge Buckle Sandal Women shoes 7.5M

Many cities, venues, and scholastic institutions have banned bottled water following campaigns by environmental groups, but critics warn such bans can have harmful unintended effects. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of banning bottled water.

Yellow Box Women's Amina Flip-Flop - Choose SZ color

Zodiac USA Tamara Peanut Butter Leather High Heeled Platform Slingback Sandals

WASHINGTON—Insisting that they had taken every measure to keep the message “extra top secret,” the Trump boys reportedly spent Wednesday defending their decision to send Saudi Arabia plans for a cool missile using their personal Etch A Sketch. “We spent, like, a million hours making that rocket look super good, so we…

Yellow Box Womens P-Vinton Leather Open Toe Special Occasion, Bronze, Size 7.0

Yoma Red Leather shoes Heel Ankle Strap finished with a Butterfly, Multi-colord

CRYSTAL RIVER, FL—Claiming he found the turn to be well banked and cambered with perfect sightlines, motorist Calvin Henry declared Wednesday that a bend along Florida State Road 44 was definitely not sharp enough to warrant the dozen or so roadside memorials along its outside shoulder. “I mean, this is a pretty soft…

Yosi Samra Womens Maya Genuine Calf Hair Foldable Ballet Flat

HAVERFORD, PA—Expressing concerns about her odd behavior over the past few weeks, coworkers of Sheila Gottman confirmed Wednesday that the “total weirdo” was leading their office’s NCAA bracket pool after picking teams she analyzed and predicted would beat the others. “What kind of freak actually reads expert analysis…

Advertisement

Adidas ClimaCool CC Fresh Bounce Womens Running shoes Fitness Trainers Peach